Loops

In the end we lose it all
That’s what makes it so troubling and yet so valuable
In the end, the temporary slips away as temporary things will do
And my dear, it’s all temporary in an infinite sort of way
In a way that loses itself and finds itself again in the real circle of life
A loop that represents process
In the end all will be memories and even those too will fade
But in the end we will find that there was never a beginning
And there is no end
Only onwards
Only loops
Spiraling into something new
Cycling back into the oddly familiar
Have I been here before?
Is this déjà vu?
Perhaps I’ve always been right here
And everywhere else
Always
Since the beginning
Until the end that doesn’t exist
Perhaps we really are forever

I’m Here

I’m here
Here if you need me
And if you don’t
Here when you want me
And when you won’t
Here as an ear
And as a shoulder
Here to pass time
As we get a bit older
I’m here for the good times
And for the bad
I’m here for the moment
However it’s had
I’m here to laugh
And cry and scream
I’m here for worries
And here to dream
I’ll tell you you’re safe
When it seems to be scary
I’ll tell you go forth
If you seem to be wary
I’m here to inspire
To hold and to feel
I’m here to be certain
That something is real
I’m here to take notice
And ask you what’s wrong
I’m here to fill your days
With laugher and song
I’m here to dry tears
I’m here to coax smiles
I’m here to chase fears
And keep on them for miles
I’m here to speak truth
And offer my words
Though words are just melodies
For melodies, choose birds
I’m here to listen
And understand what we see
I’m here to appreciate
What it means to be
I’m here just like you
Also seeking someone there
Here to be loved
Here to give it and share
I’m here to be happy
And happy for you
To see you succeed
To see you do you
I’m here to fly
Or just to lay still
To hear each other’s heartbeat
Or race it uphill
I’m here for a moment
And not one second more
In this infinite present moment
Where I’ll be waiting
for you
Evermore

Faded Fabric

I don’t know what will become of us

I can’t say what tomorrow will bring

If we’ll be together

Or if we’ll wither from each other’s lives

Till we’re both just old memories

Like faded fabric that’s been left in the sun

I don’t know if I’ll love you or hate you

Or worse, feel nothing

Too Small to Roll

The raindrops too small to roll are stuck on the windows

Jack Johnson plays from the Jambox

Parker sits across from me

Both of us on our phones

Me in my notes typing this poem

And him equally in his own world

One I’ll never know

Don’t let your dreams be dreams

I feel melancholy

What will I do today?

We’re Here

It’s all been felt before
It’s all been experienced by others
Everything that makes our hearts race
Everything that feels so unique
Even the confusion and the chaos
You are not alone
It’s been felt
In another life
In another time
In another soul
We share our happiness with others
We all know sadness
We know anger
Others have known our sufferings and our joys
Not in circumstance but in feeling
And alas we are all understood by one another
And connected to one another
We go through this together
Everyone wants to be understood for their circumstance
But the circumstances are irrelevant
We know
We get it
We’re here for each other

The River of Life

The river of life is a swift and beautiful thing
Forever flowing and constantly changing course
We may try to crane our necks to see the end
But it’s futile
The waters will guide you this way and that as it does everyone else
No one can change course or fight their current
Some people come in and out of your life
Gone before you realize their effects
But they will leave their fingerprints on your soul
They leave beautiful stains
Claiming parts of your heart that you will never get back
These are the people that you remember when that song comes on
When you see something that you know they would love
Suddenly the world is filled with reminders of them
And you can’t help but smile
You know them, you feel them, and by god do you love them
Even if you never quite understood them
Even if things didn’t work out the way you wanted them to
Even if the river met a fork
Loving someone isn’t easy
But it’s always worth it
I’m a collector of memories and the sweetest of my treasures are the simple moments of comfort with the special somebodies I have come to know
People who in time will leave this earth and be forgotten
People who like me will one day have their name spoken for the very last time
But some of these people mean the world to me
Here and now they have a profound effect on  at least one person
And for that they are everything
Maybe not to everyone
Maybe not to the pages of history
But for me
And I just want them to know
I want to grab them and scream my love from rooftops
It deserves more
More than I can give
More than I perhaps know how to give
But by god I’ll try
Every day and every night I want to let these people know how much I care
How they have affected me
How very beautiful they are
Why they are important
Everyone wants to make a difference
Everyone wants to change the world
Well darling, I believe in you
But again, even if you never change it for everyone else
You changed it for me
And it means everything
And I wouldn’t trade it
I wouldn’t change it
Not even for the better
I want to remember it as it was
Loving it for how it was
Loving you for how beautiful you are
How powerful you are
How fleeting it all is
And lucky we both were for having once flowed in the same stream

“Remember When We Were In Love”

Do you think there will ever be a day when we sit side by side overlooking something beautiful
And one of us says to the other with a smile
“Do you remember when we were in love?”
And we’ll reminisce of days long past in our youth
And we’ll laugh at how crazy we were
And we’ll ponder how naive we were
And we’ll treasure what we had then because it was real
And perhaps even more precious because it was fleeting
Sometimes the most beautiful things in life are fleeting
From the majesty of a passing comet
To the simplicity of a snowflake on the skin
You just have to keep your eyes open
don’t blink when the comet passes or you’ll miss it
That would be the real shame
and don’t be upset when the snow melts
You can’t be angry at the snowflake for melting
That’s just the way it is.
Instead be glad that you caught one.
It was unique
But more beautiful snowflakes float down from the heavens towards us
We will have done well to learn to keep our heads up and our hands outstretched by that point
Maybe on that day we will have both caught ourselves new snowflakes
I can see myself being happy for you on that day
But today it still makes me a bit jealous
I guess that’s because I’m still a little bit in love with you
As little bit as love can be
Perhaps I’m still crazy about you
But I’m trying hard to move past it
Today, for the first time, I thought of us
Years from now. Sitting side by side
Enjoying each other’s company without having to gaze deeply into each other’s eyes
Perhaps watching a sunset.
Or maybe waiting to catch a glimpse of that passing comet.
And it was okay actually, it was nice
And it made me smile
I’d be happy to see you happy and healthy and doing well
And I’d be happy to be your friend

If I Wandered Out Tonight

If I wandered out tonight in search of something real
If I wandered out tonight to tell you how I feel
If I showed up on your doorstep to share a simple truth
Would you listen open heartedly remembering our youth
Would you ask me why I came or smile to see my face
Would you be thrilled we found each other once again in time and space
If I told you I was jealous and I said I want you back
Would you be happy or uncomfortable
How would that heart react
If I said I’m here to fight for you
To show you I was wrong
To say sorry for walking away before
By returning ten times strong
If I said its all or nothing
But I’m giving you a choice
Would you choose me?
Would you lose me?
What opinions would you voice?
If I told you you were worth it
And any price I’d pay
Would you make me wait for you my love
Or just come home today?
If I said that I was sorry
Would you tell me it’s okay
Or think of where it went wrong last time
And let that get in our way?
If I told you I was sorry
Then would you say sorry too
For our missteps in this tango
In this deadly dance of two
Would we put the past behind us
And from there just start anew
Would we strive until forever
For something beautiful and true
Or would you look at me on that doorstep
As just another option now
Instead of fate and a certain destiny
Which brought me back to you somehow
If I sacrifice my ego and my pride
For something real
To find myself back at your doorstep
Just to tell you how I feel
Would you prod and poke this heart
And wonder what’s wrong with this crazy boy
Or would you let me scoop you up and run
And just give in to joy
Will you just let me be good to you
And you be good to me
And this way we could share a life together
A beautiful life. You’ll see.

First Drop

I don’t quite know what to say. There are too many ways to describe how I feel right now and perhaps not a single one that can give it justice. It’s all so contradictory. I feel numb and I feel overflowing with emotions. My heart is racing but it feels like it has stopped. I’m not quite sure what to feel right now. Is it sadness? Is it happiness? Is it comical? Is it soul crushing? Is it motivational?
The girl I love, the girl who still holds my heart just waltzed back into my life. I knew she wouldn’t be gone forever. She left 5 months ago with a backpack and farewells and plans to travel the world. Every day I had missed her and every day I was excited and anxious for when she would return. It also terrified me, and rightfully so. But we’ll get to that later. Anyways, she came back. After all the times I had imagined what it would be like to see her again. After so much anticipation. It was surreal. She fit back in like a jigsaw piece. I turned around and there she was. Standing three feet away from me with the same smile on her face. Like she never even left. And it all came back like a flood. Everything I love about her, everything I feel about her. It was overwhelming. My heart was beating like I had just run a marathon. I didn’t know what to say or what to think. I knew she wouldn’t be gone forever yet now that she’s here I’m astonished. I almost can’t believe it. But I have to believe it because it’s real. I couldn’t stop staring at her while we worked. Just like old times. Then we went out for drinks after. It was all like a dream. We ended up alone. We took a cab to my house. She rolled a jay the way she always used to. We got into bed. We slept together but didn’t have sex. She wakes up this morning and tells me that the reason we didn’t hook up was because she is seeing someone. Someone that she has been seeing since before she left for her trip. Oh this girl. This crazy girl that I love. She fucks with my head and my heart so much. I’m at a loss. I don’t know what to do. Do I try to get her back? Do I bide my time? Do I move on? She wouldn’t have come back home with me if she wasn’t conflicted about what she wants. Clearly she still feels something for me but just didn’t want to cheat on her boyfriend. I can respect that. I don’t know what any of it means. She has always been the most difficult to decipher. It’s a headache and a heartache that I wasn’t expecting to deal with so soon after her return. With her it’s always a crazy ride. I’ve been slowly cranking my way up the ramp of her daunting rollercoaster as I waited for her to return. Now here she is and I’m going down that first drop at full speed and it’s terrifying and exciting and I have no idea what’s next. There is no way out. I just have to finish the ride this time then see if I want to ride again.

Feather in the Wind

I wish it wasn’t like a feather in the wind
The way I feel about you
I wish it was something heavier
Something more solid
I wish I could know where it was going
I guess that’s part of the adventure though
The delicacy
The mystery and spontaneity
The incoming breeze must chuckle at my perplexity
Watching me chase stray feathers
Confused but persistent
As it weaves it’s thread into my life
Creating for me this fabric of my existence
This unpredictable wind of circumstance can easily rule the unaware
I must be careful to keep my eye on the feather
Cutting through the wind to my prize instead of being blown off course
As helpless as the lost fragments of your wings
Fighting to replace this reactive habit with a proactive assertiveness
Or perhaps just being wise enough to know that one should not waste time chasing feathers in the wind
The feather is only a feeling
A natural response
Chasing the abstract effect is exhausting and lacking of direction
I must keep my eye on the prize but focus my energy towards the source
No amount of captured feathers can lift someone off the ground
I must find these beautiful shedding wings
I must find you. I must find you wherever you are with your handfuls of feathers that you toss into the swirling current
I must listen and trace the wind back to you
Then we can chuckle at the wind as it caresses our endless stream of feathers
Then we can strap our feathers to our backs and fly
Soaring through the sky with certainty
And from up here, I sort of love how the way I feel about you is as delicate and precious as a feather in the wind
This wild wind which now, soaring at unimaginable speeds,
Just feels so good on both of our faces