Before Her

I remember what it was like before her
I was different
Bold, free, confident, fun loving
And then she came along
I fell harder and faster than I thought was possible
The fall was thrilling
The impact hard and sudden
How do you take a man and shatter him?
Give him a good love then take it away
She is who she is
And that’s the best and worst thing about her
I could spend a lifetime pondering
Wondering what could have been done differently
Or I could spend the next ten years worrying about the next ten years
But it simply doesn’t do to look forwards or backwards
I’m here
I’m alive
I want to feel that again
I want to feel the excitement I felt with her
Or at least, the contentment I felt before her
Now I wonder what’s wrong with me
Am I too emotional?
Too impulsive?
Will I ever get it right?
Is there even a right way?
Or maybe just the right person
Clearly she wasn’t the one
Perhaps there is no such thing as “the one”
But one thing is for sure
The only one I want to love right now is me
I’m the most in need of my own love
And I let her convince me that my love wasn’t enough
That I didn’t know how to love
But I do know how to love
The hardest learned lesson is that people only have their kind of love to give
Not your kind
And I’m slowly finding my confidence again
Learning to trust myself
Learning not to react to others judgments
I used to not care what anyone thought
Then she came along and I loved her
And hers were the only opinions that mattered
When they changed with the wind I was lost
Now I’m slowly finding my way back home
Back to myself
I was there once
I’ll be there again
I’ll be me. Free. Alive. Ready to enjoy life
I’ve always loved a good welcome home party