Who Are You?

When you strip it all away?

Who were you before the world got it’s hands on you?

What do you have the potential to be if not limited by a culture, tradition, idea or belief system but rather inspired by the diversity and richness of all of them?

Who are you when you stop reciting your own story to yourself?

Who are you in this current breath as your past and your past identity melt away?

Who are you in this current breath as even your future dreams and ambitions melt away?

Who are you when you find stillness, silence, presence and solitude?

You are now as you have never been before and will never be again.

Embrace it.

Then let it go.

Because that’s just the ego.

And this is what I believe.

You are not your ego.

Not your body or your thoughts or ideas.

You are something much grander.

Much wiser.

You are the infinite.

The essence of you is that which remains constant and unchanged.

It’s not your body, your experiences or even your thoughts.

It’s the silent observer and witness to all that you do.

It’s pure awareness.

You are conscious.

YOU are consciousness.

That’s the most peculiar thing about you.

You aren’t just you.

You are all of it. All of us.

You are the universe doing it’s thing

Only limited by the perception of you.

Quite the paradox no?

But if you want to get to the heart of you, start with detachment.

You are there waiting to welcome yourself home once you’ve let it all go.

You are it. We are it.

And we are cradled in eternal harmony & flow.

We vibe in a sea of energy that knows no bounds of time and space.

We are expressions of the universe;

wondrous mechanisms for the universe to witness and build itself.

We are always happening.

We are not separate from the Creator and so we must not seek God outside of ourselves. The very consciousness that allows you to ponder God IS God. Search over.

We are the singular soul of creation and timeless source energy shining out of millions of antennas we call bodies. We are one. One only need to meditate to feel this sacred connection. And what makes life beautiful and fascinating is how differently we have all found ways to express the soul of the universe. ☯️♥️✨

My Rhyme

Maybe I’m running

Or just standing still

Or waiting to be happy

Until just until

My perfect dream life

With its perfect conditions

That trap me

A slave to these endless ambitions

I want to be great

And I want to be free

I want to be

Extraordinarily me

I don’t need no strings

But I do need some love

But I’m hurting

I’m hurting

And it ruins my rhyme

Throws of my rhythm

And just wastes my time

I want to be open

I want to just fall

But the hurt that I’ve felt

I don’t want that at all

But this isn’t me

I’m no coward. I’m bold

I don’t want to be jaded

Or cynical. Cold

I want to make use

Of this life on blue dot

To get all the goodness

And give all I’ve got

To not be afraid

Most of all with my heart

To know that each day

Is a new chance to start

To go

And let go

And let be what will be

Forget these conditions

Expectations. Be free

To wander and roam

And to grasp what is real

To discover the knows

And to feel all the feels

I want to dive in

I want to say yes

I want to keep giving

And get what I’ll get

I want to shine bright

No matter what shade

So at least I am seen

For the time that I’m stayed

To be an example

A hero. A warning.

A lesson. Inspiration.

Sensation or mourning

To be who I am

And to be seen for that

To grow as I will

And to never look back

Freedom is all

That I truly desire

Freedom ignites me

And love fuels my fire

I want just want

To just be at peace

To keep it all simple

For this life that I lease

To actively choose

To enjoy all my time

And just like that

Rediscover my rhyme.

Dirty Little Weekend

You seem like someone I’d like to explore she said

What would you like to explore?

I asked

Your mind and your body to start

That’s when you had me

Simple and to the point

Honest and sexy

And so I want you to have both

My mind, my body, and more if I can give it

Funny

I know almost nothing about you

And yet we’ve already built such tension

An intoxicating anticipation that has me replaying all of the things I want to do with you

All the ways we can defile my apartment

My imagination has been running wild with possibility

I want all of you but I love knowing nothing

What will our chemistry be?

Slow and sensual?

Explosive and passionate?

Playful and teasing?

All of the above?

Pick D

I can’t wait to see it unfold

As we fold and tangle into each other

I’m excited for that push and pull

The dance

The letting go

Getting lost

Trusting one another to take it one step further

To find the next threshold of pleasure

We’re diving in blind though babes

Mind and bodies unknown

Though I don’t doubt we’ll find our rhythm and harmony fast

So long as we’re present

So long as we’re connecting

So long as we’re communicating

Not necessarily with words

I too want it all

Your body

Your mind

Your soul

I want to destroy and rebuild each other

Ravage and renew

Then rinse repeat

But never the same

Always growing

I want to see what you know

Teach you a few tricks of my own

I want to surrender into something bliss

Then lay and cuddle and talk about life

Put the pieces together

Learn about your past

Who you are

Collect your stories, your thoughts, your feelings

Already naked

Already vulnerable

Still strangers

Why the hell not?

I want your dreams and ambitions

Your view on this world we’re living in

I want to find your sadness and anger

Then fuck it all out of you

Find your joys and pleasures

Then make love over them

I want to know what makes you laugh

And how that laugh sounds

I want to know what kind of flirt you are

I want to feel dirty

Like it’s our little secret

I want to learn you well

Memorize your shape with my hands

Hold your weight

Learn your responses

See what you need

I want to heal each other

Inspire one another towards the goodness of life

The richness of damn good sex

I want to create

They say creation is violent

Big bang, exploding stars

Impacts and collisions

Building whole planets and solar systems

So what can we create with our intimate violence?

Penetrating, pounding, thrashing

Building, bounding, crashing

And yet, I hope the result is sweet and tender

Something special we can each take with us

I hope for a moment we both feel to the fullest what it is to be alive

And I hope for that we’ll always remember our dirty little weekend

Looking at You Looking at Me

I’m looking at you

Looking at me

And wondering

If you see what I see

A moment on pause

An intimate breath

We both have our reasons

For life and till death

But here we both are

Be here with me now

And our separate reasons

Don’t matter somehow

Connected deeply

Windows to the soul

Just a fraction of a second

You snap and we’ll roll

There’s a softness in your eyes

I can’t  help but reflect

And it gives to me

Honesty, Trust, and Respect

I’m with you, not with you

But with you I’m here

Letting your light shine on me

So thank you my dear

 

Found Connection

Thank you stranger for inspiring me

And driving me a little crazy

I wouldn’t call it a missed connection

That was all it needed to be

A moment of subtle contact

We didn’t say a word

Didn’t even look into each other’s eyes until that last moment

And yet you drove me wild just a moment

You sat down on those tight subway seats

Right next to me on a packed car

I felt the side of your arm against mine

It was warm

Bare skin on skin

I didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable

But I loved the contact

I would let you decide

I waited and you didn’t move

The train shifted and we fell apart

Then you came back closer

Pressed tighter

I see you slightly turn your head

I catch you staring at my arms

I want to know everything about you

But I also love knowing nothing

I wonder what you’re thinking

I like your gold nail polish

I brave a solid sideways glance

You’re beautiful

I want to touch more of you

A thought that remains a thought

I wonder what you’re thinking

I wonder if you enjoy this anonymous contact as much as I do

The touching of a strangers skin

A subtle intimate connection

I start to feel nuts

Is this special moment all in my head?

And just then you reach your stop

You stand

You look me right in the eyes and smile

A small secretive smile

Maybe you’re blushing?

I’m flushed

Frozen before I remember to smile back

You keep holding that gaze

I couldn’t look away if I wanted to

Locked in our second contact now

Until you pass through the doors

Now you’re lost

I’m tempted to turn and find you again

Through the window

But I don’t

I let you go

And I’m grateful

Connection found.

Strangers I’ll Never Know

I’m on the D train heading to Marina Abramovic’s gallery. Aaron is working at the gallery and invited me to go so I grabbed Joe to go with me. I’m not quite sure what to expect. Aaron tells me it’s a blind and deaf improv jam where they take a bunch of people, blindfold them and cover their ears, then throw them all in a room to see what happens. I’m curious to say the least.

Wow. I just left the gallery. It was such a thrilling experience. They have you leave all of your belongings in a locker and then they blindfold you, cover your ears, and lead you by the hand into the space. The man who led me in let go of my hand, gave me a pat on the shoulder, and then I was on my own. I started by sticking my hands out and taking a few small steps. It wasn’t long until I ran into the first person. We bumped into each other and then found each other’s hands. I explored and felt the person’s shoulders and could tell it was a man. We gave each other a squeeze and went our own ways. This process continued with many other people. Some were standing still, some were walking around, some were sitting against a wall, others had formed small groups sitting down in the center. I was nervous about other people’s comfort level in the room. I wanted to touch every person all over but I didn’t want to violate anyone’s boundaries. I wanted to touch people’s faces and try to imagine what they looked like. I really wanted to feel everyone’s size and shape. The body is so fascinating with all of it’s diverse forms. Eventually I started getting more open and playful with the people I would bump into. I lifted one girl off the floor and twirled her then let her hand go. I sat down with a group of three people and held hands with a girl for a while. I bumped into Joe and recognized him by his shoulders. We traveled around the room for a bit until I bumped into this girl on the floor. This girl was by far my most fascinating encounter of the exhibit. As soon as I brushed her with my foot she reached out and grabbed me. I sat down next to her and we began to feel each other. I held her hands and massaged them for a little  before moving my way up her arms. She was so warm. There was something about the openness of this girl that really attracted me to her. She felt my arms and my thighs. I felt her shoulders and her neck. I felt her shoes. Converses. Joe tried to pull me away but I brushed him off and he went away. She ran her hands through my hair then grabbed my hands and placed them on her face. I ran my fingers over her face making out her features then moved them back into her hair. She had long hair that went halfway down her back. I then ran my fingers down her arms and we paused for a second just connected at the fingertips. I had the intense urge to kiss this mysterious stranger. To experience something wild and unknown. I noticed she had a ring on her ring finger but it wasn’t an engagement ring or a wedding band. I became really nervous and my heart started beating so fast. By this time our legs were intertwined and our faces were inches apart. I could feel her breath on my lips. Just then a man lifted up my ear cover and whispered that my friend said it was time for rehearsal. Dammit Joe! I gave this magnificent mystery girl’s hand a firm squeeze which she returned then let her go and was led out of the exhibit in the same manner I was brought in. I was in awe once they had taken off the blindfold and ear covers. I’ll never know who that girl was. I’ll never know her name or what she looked like. And yet, I felt more connected to her than I have felt with another person in a long time. That is what I call fantastic art. Once the blindfold was off, the first person I saw was Aaron who was standing right in front of me. He smiled, hugged me, and told me I did great. I wasn’t exactly sure what he meant because it didn’t seem like it was something you could be good or bad at. He told me that I had made a girls day. Apparently the girl that I had twirled early on had been getting stepped on by everyone and no one stopped to acknowledge her. She had been getting very frustrated and emotional but then when I bumped into her and lifted her off the floor and spun her, she threw her hands down and smiled for the first time that someone had cared. Apparently this girl comes to the gallery often and just sits on the floor for hours and hours. It’s funny because it was something that I had done almost absentmindedly not really thinking about what a small gesture might mean to someone else but Aaron said that he had to hold back tears. That truly made my day as well.

What I Know

Here is what I know. Today I went out into the world and discovered. I reinvented myself. I walked the long way because I wanted more journey. I met someone new. We danced in the street. We had a long conversation. We discussed energy and false boundaries. We touched often while talking. She told me I made her more beautiful. I told her she did it herself. We hugged and told one another that we loved each other. I left feeling inspired and uplifted. I was connected to everything. I texted a friend and lover about the absurdity of boxing in ideas; the dangers of separation and exclusivity. She asked me why people are mean and told me that I make her feel normal. I learned about yoga. I challenged my ego. I chose not to be offended. I let go and was at peace. I connected to my breath with every step. I felt the pressure of the ground pushing back on my feet and still felt weightless. I was aware of my relationship to every person I passed. I tasted the air. I laughed without caring. I stood still and noticed. I listened to music. I decided that I would dance through the street for one week straight only stopping for sleep and bathroom breaks, eating and changing clothes as I go. The artist is still fucking present. I imagined walking down the street with my arms outstretched to the sides, middle fingers up, then making a heart on my chest and blowing a kiss to the camera. I acknowledged that I loved everyone as much as I love myself. I noticed my sadness and was happy for it. I embraced it all. I loved it all. I moved through it all. I reflected on the relationship between everything. I connected the dots. I admired the oneness. I was lost in a sea of energy. Not part of it, but all of it. I closed my eyes. I felt the sun on my skin and thought about giving warmth back to the sun. I was grateful. I felt the wind on my face and smiled. I indulged. I fasted. It was spiritual. It was emotional. It was physical. It was meditative. It was all one experience. It was everything. Everything is everything. Words are limiting tools that often fail us.

 

I hear you. Now hear me. What do I mean when I say yoga is dance? It’s exactly what I mean when I say you are me and I am you. Clearly we are not the same and yet we are. And the differences that make us so beautiful, at the same time don’t even exist. And neither does time for that matter. Its all an illusion. Its all just a dream. This is all JUST ENERGY. It’s shattering of the walls. It’s universal truth. Universal consciousness. It’s the collective mind body and soul in harmony towards something greater. Yoga is dance, dance is yoga, and really it’s all sex. Something we can’t put into words. Its connection and presence. It’s life.

 

This is me. I am learning. I am not perfect because the world is not perfect and vice versa. We need it to be that way. We need the ugly and darkness for balance. I also know nothing. I don’t know if this is a rant, freewrite, love letter, or apology. Note to self. Note to you. One in the same. It feels good to write. I question you. I question myself. I am curious about everything. I hate my ego yet it is part of me. I fight it nonetheless. I question if I write the word “I” too much and what that means. But then loving me is loving the universe is loving you. Thanks for the loop.

 

Still don’t know what I’m doing here but I’m just about done. Welcome to my process. Naked vulnerability. Open creativity. We are the creaters. We are the gods. God is love, light, and vibration. God is, wait for it… ENERGY. Life force. Life fucking force. Oh wow. Feelings. What’s this? Interesting at least. Sentences get shorter. Mind gets clearer. Going off the deep end? Perhaps. Starting to sound mad? Might be more pleasant there. We’re all mad here and fuck normal anyways. I don’t need you to get me because you already know. 😉 Is this writing? Is this language? Is this communication? Is this meaningful? Who knows. Is this poetry? Is it bullshit? Does it matter? Of course it does. I’m going to go dance now or do yoga or whatever the hell anyone wants to call it. I’m just gonna be. My body is a monument. And yet just a receiver; an antenna for what’s us. My movement is the story of my life. My soul is in you. Can you feel it? Do you agree? Do you disagree? We are always at war so that we can fight for peace. Just write me off as a hippie already. Bye babes.

 

 

 

 

Fourth of July

I’ll never forget the sweet disposition of Fourth of July

Stars stripes and sparklers

Reflecting off the black asphalt

Music playing from the cars the way we used to do it

Doors open. Volume cranked

Headlights lighting up our stage

I’ll never forget dancing in the parking lot

Or running down high st to coliseum

Not because we were late but because walking did the night no justice

I’ll never forget how much beer we drank

Unless I already have

I’ll never forget little Natalie and her midnight shorts

Or Molly and her infectious laughter.

I’ll never forget the sweet disposition of the Fourth of July

It was the manifestation of wild and reckless youth.

And every time I hear the first few strums of that temper trap magic

I’m there

Once again

It’s Fourth of July

A warm summer night

I have a smile on my face

I’m running around an empty parking lot with people I love

Sweat soaked clothes

Sparklers in hand

Dancing

Living

Being free

Allways Stationary. Allways Moving.

I do believe that movement is life

And yet

Sometimes I find myself so stationary

Stuck in a period

An idea

A person

I was a seed when I met her

And in her I found my grounding

Spreading my roots deep

From there growing strong

Reaching new heights and lengths

Blossoming into something beautiful

I never even knew was inside of myself

Learning new truths

Finding new lights

Accepting light I never knew was available to me

Turning my face towards the sun

Bearing fruits of love, happiness, joy

Of sadness, struggle, sacrifice

Finding a wholesome existence

In harmony with everything around me

Yet always rooted in her soul

Finding myself through her reflections

Trusting her to keep me watered

Growing up and down all at once

Expanding into the world

Through the conscious and subconscious

Through the spoken and unspoken

Through reality and dreams

Experiencing all changes

Except for where I’m sourced

And so to be uprooted

Feeling like I need her earth

Missing the home that made me

Yearning for her nourishment

Now having to believe everything she taught me

I will grow where I’m planted

So now I find balance

Between the expected and the unexpected

My wants and my needs

The darkness of the ground

And the light of the air

Enjoying the breeze

Letting it sway my leaves

Letting it open

And continue to open

As the seasons will change

And with them do I

Learning not to fear my nakedness

For soon I shall bloom

Damaged but beautiful

Crooked but perfect

And again and again

And around we will go

Always stationary

Always moving

Don’t Wait

So often in life we catch ourselves waiting. Waiting for the perfect moment, the perfect opportunity. We wait to have enough money, we wait till we can put the words together to say exactly what we feel without betraying ourselves, we wait to do the things we want in order to do them “the right way.” Don’t wait darling. The perfectionist can spend his whole life waiting along with the cowardly and insecure. Life is about the imperfections. We learn our way not by waiting, but by doing. So don’t be passive with the gift of life. The perfect time is the time that you have and time that you have is now. It’s the only opportunity that we can count on. The opportunity of today. Dreams on hold are wasted energy. Turn your dreams into goals. Abandon security and trust yourself. Quit the job you hate. Take what you have and go travel. If you love someone, tell them. Approach the unfamiliar with excitement and breathe in as much of the universe as possible. Don’t shy away from making decisions. Make them often and make them boldly. Trust yourself. Believe in yourself. Love yourself. Don’t wait. Today is your day.